it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
