we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
