Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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