No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize