It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
