Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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