I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize