Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
