i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They took my balls.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
