the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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