I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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