i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize