He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
