Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
