my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
