matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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