even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
