You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize