we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
