This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm experimenting with sincerity
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
