dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize