Where is the hickey?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
