It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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