They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I supernannyed him into submission
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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