WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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