i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
