Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
