I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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