just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize