I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
