she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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