some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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