wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
