They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
