shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
