I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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