That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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