I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
