So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
