dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
