Me too!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
