why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
