I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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