I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
