I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
