Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
