Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
