she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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