Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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