Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
