After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have post one night stand depression
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
