Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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