When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
