I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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