Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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