you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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