It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Couch. On fire.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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