alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
