apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
