I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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