Can Purell be used as lube?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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