Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
