I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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