I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
