based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
