He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
