So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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