I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
