I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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