hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize