I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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