i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
