Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
