I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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