Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
