I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
